Not spending time with God was my downfall: the reason I had become someone I wasn’t, the reason that I had forgotten my purpose!Ella Arul
Hi, I’m Ella and this is my story…
Over lockdown 3.0, I was blessed with an amazing Bible study group, which really strengthened my faith, but also both challenged and excited me to spend more time with God personally too. I’ve loved going deeper with God in the Word and in prayer, and already I’ve seen God doing amazing things. I’ve also recognised Him moving so much more than I had before!
However, a few weeks ago, I allowed my life to get in the way. I was really behind with college work and overloaded with personal commitments, so I didn’t pray, read my Bible or give God any of my time.
On the 4th day of this pattern that I had let myself fall into, I lay awake at 3am, wondering at what point I had turned into a short-tempered, moody, pessimistic and lethargic teenager –very different to my normal demeanour. I stared at my ceiling, feeling heavy with emptiness and unhappiness. I even began to doubt my life’s purpose – something I hadn’t remotely questioned since before I became a Christian a year ago.
And then I realised – not spending time with God was my downfall: the reason I had become someone I wasn’t, the reason that I had forgotten my purpose! Not leaning into His Word, His presence, His truth, His peace and His calling on my life, even for those few days, made me feel nothing short of yucky, lonely and purposeless.
And it’s true – without spending precious time aligning myself with God and spending time in His presence, I had forgotten my purpose and my identity in Christ; I had no direction and I turned into an even-messier-than-usual human. Without the Word and the Holy Spirit fulfilling me and keeping me in check every day, I became well and truly unglued and lost.
Psalm 63v1 says, ‘You are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you, in this parched and weary land where there is no water.’ Following the ways of the world brings us nothing but emptiness, and both our soul and body thirsts for something more. This ‘something more’ can only be fulfilled by God. If we earnestly search for him in our day to day lives, we will be fulfilled with the water that will never let us thirst. (John 4:14) We will never become parched or weary, just like I was feeling.
Upon realising my downfall, and not wanting to feel that way for a moment longer, I dove right back into my Bible and spending time with God over the next few days, and guess what? The emptiness quickly disappeared and my unglued emotions became more in check.
God wants us to know Him intimately. He wants us to live a life of fulfilment and peace and to never feel empty or purposeless. That’s not how He designed us! He created us to come to know and experience the love He has for us, a love that knows NO bounds! He wants us to be filled with his strength and love so that it overflows, so that we never have to experience the emptiness we feel when we are without God. So, today I really encourage you to purposefully and intentionally set aside time Every. Single. Day. to be with the Lord, to be continuously restored and fulfilled, to be prepared to face whatever will come your way today, and to continue to allow the Holy Spirit to move in and change your heart.
‘Seek the Lord and His strength, seek His presence continually!’ – 1 Chronicles 16:11 [ESV]
We hope that you loved reading Ella’s story and seeing how God has been working through her and in her life. Remember that your story has value and has so much power. Whatever your story is, tell it with confidence, knowing that the Creator of the universe designed it uniquely for you. Your story is so very important and so very special. It makes you who you are and has the power to change lives. Be proud of your journey and proud of your story.