It’s February, and we all know what February is most known for…..the V word…..VALENTINES DAY. If you’re in a relationship, this probably brings you great excitement (unless you completely lost track of time and it has dawned on you that you need to get your significant other a well thought out gift…good luck on that one) but on the flip side, if you’re single, this may make you exhale a deflated sigh and dread the fast approaching day committed to celebrating your non existent ‘other half ‘. Trust me, I get it.
I’ve been single for 5 years and boy, have I been on a journey. It has been such a long process of embracing and enjoying my singleness, and though full of peaks and troughs it has been incredibly valuable and taught me lifelong lessons. I used to seek all my validation from boys and what they said about me. I’d flirt and ask leading questions, practically begging for them to tell me I was beautiful and had a nice body etc. Its such a fragile place to be and one I know many of you will be familiar with. The worst part is, we all get so easily led into the mindset that other people own our worth and value, that if we don’t have a boyfriend or someone ‘courting’ us, there’s something wrong with us and we need to change. I used to get so embarrassed telling people I was single, like it automatically puts a sign on my forehead saying ‘ugly’ ‘worthless’ ‘not good enough’.
But, if you’re reading this as a singleton, I am here to tell you why your singleness should be celebrated and not condemned!!!
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says “There is a season for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” In your singleness, you’re actually in one of the most important seasons of your life. You are able to fully focus on yourself and your growth in who God says you are, refining all those ugly, fleshly aspects of our personalities (we all have them!!) and igniting the God given gifts and callings He wants to bless us with.
In Matthew 6:33, he writes ‘But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you aswell.’ It’s so easy to think that there’s things that you can only get from being in a relationship, feeling loved, held, heard, trusted, the list goes on. But I am here to tell you that however a man can make you feel, God can do incomprehensibly better. Society puts such a huge pressure on what we gain from being in a relationship, which has ended up leading to so many failed relationships where people seek EVERYTHING from their spouse, things that they can’t possibly give because they are human. But there is someone who can give us all those things to a degree we could never imagine, and that is God. We need to stop placing such a responsibility on men, and start placing it on God. When you go to God to feel loved, heard, held, trusted, you don’t need validation from a human and can appreciate people for what they can voluntarily offer to you, because it will just be an added bonus to areas that God has already filled and satisfied. Press into HIM, and everything and everyone else will naturally fall into place.
No matter if you’re Christian or not, I really encourage you to PROTECT YOUR HEART (Proverbs 4:23) because if there is someone out there for you, God will make sure you meet. He has promised a calling and path on each one of our lives and so if a man is meant to be on that path, you won’t be able to avoid him. It’s so easy to get worried that you’ll ‘miss him’ if you don’t go to every social event/conference/church service, but if you think like that you’ll be so focused on ‘THE ONE’ you’ll miss everything God is trying to teach you.
God can see the desires of your heart, He will give you what you want at the healthiest, most perfect time. Being single isn’t a thing to be ashamed of and doesn’t take a single speck away from your worth and value in the eyes of the lover of your soul. Seek His face and His character and everything else will fall into place, I promise.